My Damn Dirty Keyboard

Words can't really do this keyboard justice, and you wouldn't believe me if I told you what happened to this thing. Feasting and imbibing directly over the keyboard didn't help. Using this keyboard is a lot like walking on your hands through a public restroom. I wouldn't be at all shocked if there was an ecosystem going on underneath the surface of the keys, or upon it. If anyone knows an easy way to clean a keyboard, help a brother out.

Oh, and before I forget, you won't want to miss the complete view of our disgusting keyboard. Posting the underside would be going too far.